


Honey Trickling Over Shattered Glass

by Unbestaendig



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: (Graphic) Descriptions of Injuries & Blood, Death, Other, Self Destructive Thoughts & Behavior, Skin picking, SkinPicking!Reader, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 09:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10554158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unbestaendig/pseuds/Unbestaendig
Summary: ...Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian, you kept repeating the name in your head, as some kind of defence against every strike the hand of the scornful clock made against you. A scornful smile...was probably everything your human weakness would paint across Sebastian's incomprehensible flawless face. The image made you violently sick. He...was everything you had after all.





	1. Scornful Clock

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: English is not my first language. I do not own Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler.
> 
>  
> 
> If you don't know what Skin Picking is  
> (otherwise known as Excoriation Disorder or Dermatillomania)  
> please look it up.  
> This disorder is not as well known as it should be.
> 
>  
> 
> **If you need someone to listen to you, I will listen.**
> 
>  
> 
> I guess I wrote this story because,  
> sometimes I wish there was someone who could magically make me stop.
> 
> If you like to know what I have been listening to while I wrote this:
> 
> At first I really couldn't find any music that fit the mood of this story. For a while I listened to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zz2Hlnwa94s , then I listened to this part of the intriguing Kuroshitsuji soundtrack https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6y2RdA_7J3I on repeat, till I finished the third chapter and went to bed. The next day, however, a very dear friend of mine send me the link to an album on youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJQHjy9p_rk . As she does this often and mysteriously always manages to hit my curent mood with the music, I just opened the link right away and subsequently this fanfiction again. While correcting what I had already wrote the second track of the album started playing, and the lyrics were so creepily on point they just made me smile.
> 
>  
> 
> I really hope, with all my heart, you enjoy reading this fanfiction as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
>  
> 
> Kurushitsuji/Black Butler Character Sebastian Michaelis belongs to Yana Toboso

 

 

Sitting on the edge of your bed, you had caressed the silky fur of your cat for the past hour, desperately trying to delay the inevitable, tired, longing for the sweet nothing of sleep.

It was late. Only one last, lonely candle lit your room, and the covers were patiently waiting for you to hide in them, but sleep was far away and the morning even farther.

With every tick, the clock seemed to mock you.

You could not hold on any longer, _you couldn't, you couldn't, you couldn't._

Yet, you were telling yourself to hold on, to hold on just a bit longer, just a bit longer.

Just a bit longer, for how long? How long, till you would not have to hold on any longer?

Again and again and again you were not strong enough.

 

 

 

It was like a burn, so bad, that you could not feel the pain anymore.

Over the years all the frustration and anger at your weakness but above all the tiny, mutilated beyond recocnition, bit of hope, which miraculously managed to survive, had created an ocean of unbearable agony.

You could not remember the day you drowned, you just knew you had.

Maybe, that was the reason your body felt so dead at times, so numb and heavy you just wanted to fall, fall to the ground and stay there. Maybe that would keep you from doing it, maybe...no...you knew, it wouldn't. Nothing could stop it. Nothing could stop...you. You could not stop yourself.

 

You had tried so many things, so many times. Avoiding mirrors, wherever they watched you with their cold, merciless, sliver eyes, distracting yourself in every possible way, reading books the whole night, walking for hours. At one point you had even hit yourself, out of sheer helplessness.

There was no one around who knew about this.

Simply because there were just you and him – Sebastian.

And Sebastian did not knew about this. At least you kept telling that to yourself. You simply could not bear the thought of him knowing it. It was so dreadfully humiliating. You could not fathom...you did not want to fathom...what you would do if he somehow found out, what only your bathroom mirror knew about. The very speculation, made you want die at once.

Sebastian would not allow that. He had made himself more than clear about that.

 

 _Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian_ , you kept repeating the name in your head, as some kind of defence against every strike the hand of the scornful clock made against you. A scornful smile...was probably everything your human weakness would paint across Sebastian's incomprehensible flawless face. The image made you violently sick. He...was everything you had after all. So you had nothing, but nothing still felt like something. You knew you were his meal. Every day he was protecting your life, added to the flavor of your soul, he would enjoy once you died or when it pleased him. Sebastian...the sublime...when he had asked you to name him, it naturally came to your mind. He really just was sublime in every possible way.

Not that you were something to begin with, but besides him you were less than nothing.

 

When he had came to you, you were in a straight jacket, abandoned by your parents who could not bear the self-destructive soul of their loved but unfortunately uncurable sick child.

Inside the padded cell you had been locked into, ever since their death, you had suddenly heard a voice, like honey trickling over shattered glass. Effortlessly cutting through the haze of all the sedatives in your veins, it had told you, 'I can bear your soul'.

And you had promised it to him without hesitation.

What was your soul after all?

Nothing.

 


	2. Dr. Michaelis

 

 

You had felt nothing at that time anymore. You did not beg for mercy anymore, when the doctors came to drag you out of your cell for their experiments. You did not cry anymore. You did not scream anymore, and you wanted to feel something again, something, anything, everything, and the voice had promised it to you.

So, the contract had been made, a burning behind your left ear, and thereat your cell was opened.

In the doorframe had stood a banewort haired doctor with eyes like dried blood.

Dr. Michaelis, stated the nameplate on his white coat, besides that was what the engraged doctor behind him and the two carers by his side were shouting. He, simply handed them a document, which silenced them instantaneously.

Then he came towards you, an uninterpretable smile on his pale face. Silently he had freed you from your straightjacket, picked you up and left the asylum with you.

Outside, it was raining. Not many people were on the cold streets, and those who were frantically ran past the two of you, to quickly get somewhere dry and warm.

With a look at you, Dr. Michaelis had sighed and apparently composed himself to get you somewhere dry as well.

 

'No...' you had uttered, and his eyes had met yours suprised, 'please...I want to feel the rain'.

 

This had been the first and last thing akin to an order you had ever given to him, whereupon, he had smiled his wicked smile, irises glowing like purple foxglove for one heartbeat, and then, he had just stood with you in the unstoppable rain.

 

Eventually under the steady patter, you had fallen asleep in the demon's arms.

 

You had woken up in a warm, soft bed, and as you looked around you realized it was your old room inside your parent's manor. Everything was excactly like you remembered, to your surprise even your cat had lain beside you. Everything was exactly the same, evertyhing ecxept the occupied chair at your bed side.

'It is a pleasure to finally see you awake again,' he had said, with that familiar sweet but daunting voice, that vibrated in your bones.

You had just looked at the demon in the guise of this man.

'Do you remember who I am...?' he had asked thereat, taking off the glove from his left hand, revealing black fingernails and an equally black symbol on the back of the hand, which you strangely knew was the seal of the contract between you and him.

You nodded, touching the counterpart behind your left ear.

'Very well...' he had smiled bewitchingly. 'You came to know me as Dr. Michaelis, and that is what I will be presenting myself as to the world, a young doctor and friend of your deceased parents, who was so kind to rescue you from the cruel fangs of the asylum and take you in. To you however, I am your loyal servant. I will never lie to you. Moreover, you can order me to do what ever you desire... Now...I would like you to give me a first name to call me by.'

'Sebastian,' you said shortly thereafter, and he nodded with a dutiful smile.

 

Ever since then, for the last four years, he had cared for you.

You had expierenced so much of long-longst joy in this time, but the memories from the asylum and your brain would not let you enjoy it for too long.

Soon, when alone, you had found yourself absentminded scratching your skin, like you did since you could remember, before the straightjacket had kept you from doing it.

Like you had always tried, you desperately tried to stop, over and over in vain.

 

'It is the stress,' a doctor had once told your parents. 'Her senses seem to be constantly completely overun, due to their hypersensitivity, and she can not handle the stress, this overwhelming mass of sensory input is causing her every day.'

It was the same doctor who later told you he would love to vivisect your cursed brain.

 

So you, who had at all cost wished to feel something again, on that rainy day four years ago, your wish now granted, missed the void in the place your feelings had reclaimed.

How incredibly pathetic, how ungrateful...

You laughed coldly at your reflection in the bathroom mirror, and resignation filled you till you almost gagged on it.

Without being aware of it, so lost in thoughts, you had seemingly sat your cat down, picked up the candle and entered your bathroom, locking the door behind you.

Your hands moved on their own, without you having neither strength nor will to stop them anymore. They unbuttoned your nightgown, until it slit past your shoulders, straightaway hastly attacking the exposed skin right under your collarbones, reopening old and infected wounds, causing new ones, with unstoppable thirst for the strange sort of relief it made your body feel.

Due to the pain and the horror you witnessed powerless from behind your wide eyes, your breathing quickened at first but slowed down with time. An incident like this could last hours, without you really feeling them pass by.

 

After scratching the looked bathroom door a couple times, the cat had left your room unoticed and eventually came by Sebastian who delightedly lifted her up, his nose immediately noticing the faint salty smell of tears, the cat's fur gave of.

 


	3. Begging A Demon

 

 

Your fingers were covered in blood, the pain forgotten the same moment you felt it, the nightdress long stained, when it knocked on the door.

The shock was ice cold. Your heart skiped one beat, and a second at his deep melodic voice.

"Young Lady, are you alright?"

"...Yes!" you stammered breathless, way too fast, way too factitious.

"May I come in?" Sebastian asked with something like concern thereat.

"No!" you almost screamed.

"Are you certain, young Lady? Are you really alright?"

You suddenly knew, with strangling certainty, that the demon behind the door already knew you were lying to him.

 

You wanted to say something, but the words got stuck in your throat. There was blood everywhere... If you had time to clean yourself and the bathroom, the wounds and scars would be easily hidden under your clothes as usual, but he would not leave you time now to hide anything nor eradicate the evidences of your embarrassing weakness.

"Young Lady? Please open the door!"

 _Go away_ , you said without sound. _Please just go away..._

"Young Lady?!"

_Go away... Go away… Go away... Go away... Go away..._

With a crack, the door was forced open.

"Do not look at me!" you screamed hopeless, immediately turning away, trying to somehow cover yourself with your hands.

"So you are still able to talk after all," he chided, and you jolted, then turned around in desperation, ready to order him to leave. You refrained from it however, when you saw his eyes were closed.

"I had my eyes closed from the very second I opened the door..." Sebastian stated calmly. "Nonetheless...I can smell the blood. I know you are injured."

His words stabed your diaphragm, and two words flowed out of the wound.

 

"Kill me."

"No," the demon denied pitiless.

"Then please...please leave me alone..." you begged.

"I am afraid I can not do that, young Lady, since you seem incapable of taking proper care of yourself." The tone of his voice made clear he was not even considering giving in, and yet you could not give up. This was worse than any torment you had endured inside that godforsaken asylum.

"Please, Sebas-"

"That is Dr. Michaelis for you tonight," he interupted you sternly.

You caught you breath.

"I am very sorry, nevertheless, I will open my eyes now, so I can take care of you."

"Do not do that! Please! I beg you!" you pleaded trembling, tears running down your cheeks by now.

Sebastian merely chuckled at that. "Begging a demon... Now, that is something you can be embarrassed about," the demon said and opened his eyes, "instead of what I see right now."

 

You broke down.

 

And he caught you as effortlessly as his voice had caught your attention on that momentous day.

 

"Do you enjoy...torturing me like that...?" you asked toneless.

"Do you enjoy torturing yourself like that?" he asked back.

 _No,_ you wanted to answer, but anew the words got stuck in your throat.

Sebastian sighed, his hypnotizing tranquil gaze set upon you, he rose up and carried you to your bed, where he cautiously set you down.

"Please wait here, young Lady. I will gather what is needed for the wound care," Sebastian instructed you, before he swiftly left the room.

 

The moment the door feel shut your heart broke open, and you sobbed uncontrollably.

You could not stop. The pain shook you like thunder, as you stumbled deeper and deeper into an abyss of despair.

 


	4. I Can Bear Your Soul

 

 

He was back in no time, set something on the bed side locker – on which the one lonely candle had been accopanied by a candle holder with tree other ones – and went to the bathroom, where you could here him take off his jacket, the wrinkling of the fabric as he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, and the rush of the water as he washed his hands.

 

When Sebastian returned to you, you watched as he pulled out disposable gloves from a small box he had apparently brought. The sound, as he put them on, made you shudder and your stomach revolt.

"I am not one of those charlatanes at the asylum," he said at that.

You were still crying.

"Why have you not ordered me to make you stop?" he asked curiously, gently sweeping your hair behind your shoulders, causing you to wince, as the latex of the gloves slightly brushed by your ears. Thereupon Sebatian took hold of your chin, using soft power to force you to look at his eyes, which gleamed like foxglove blossoms again. "Why, have you not ordered me, to make you stop?"

"Because it is humiliating, Dr. Michaelis," you uttered with broken voice.

"Yet still, I am sure, during this four years I was by your side, you have at least once considered doing so, despite your shame. What else held you back?"

"To be honest, Dr. Michaelis, I had never thought my behaviors bothered you or that you would or could do anything about them,"you explained, while the tears continued to run down your cheeks.

"Well, well..." Sebastian mumbled, carefully dabbing them away with the handkershief he suddenly had in his free hand. "Let me repeat myself... I can bear your soul."

Your eyes widened at this words.

"Have you not understood what I meant by that?" he asked with a mixture of dissapointment and pity. You felt you were beginning to understand, but you shook your head eitherway. He shook his head in response, hiding his iridescent irises behind the long black lashes, which always reminded you of raven feathers. Then his eyes set upon you once more.

"I granted your wish to feel again, but I did not do that to let you drown in sorrow. I want what you wanted when you made the contract with me. I want you to feel everything... If something is keeping you from doing so and you can not get rid of it yourself, I will get rid of it for you."

"...So...you can...really...make...me stop?"

He chuckled. "I think I could be offended by you underestimating me so greatly, however, I actually find it somewhat hilarious..." You yanked your chin out of is grip, but he quickly took hold of it again. "I can...and I will...make you stop."

 

You stared at him, now more than convinced he was somehow more than capable of doing this.

"Now that we cleared that up..." he said, letting go of your chin, "I will begin with cleaning your wounds."

He turned towards the nightstand, where he poured some of the content of a small brown bottel onto a pice of cloth, with which he turned back towards you.

"Young Lady, this will most likely sting a bit, so please bear with me," he warned, while a familar pungent smell filled the air, startling horrid memories.

"If the smell causes you fear, try to breathe trough your mouth only," Sebastian advised, as usual aware of the smallest hints of emotions you gave off.

You just nodded convulsively, fighting the imminent nausea, whereupon the demon began to cautiously tend the torn skin under your collarbones.

 

Because you tried to follow his adive you could not clench your teeth, so every now and then small sounds of pain escaped. He apologized for all of them.

When he was done he seeked eyecontact with you anew.

"I will slip your arms out of the bedgown now so I can properly bandage your wounds."

Again, everything you were capable of was a nodd.

Whereupon he cautiously did as he announced, subsequently tying the empty sleeves behind your back, asking, "Can you hold your hands up next to your head for me for a bit, please?"

You did as he asked, and he swifly coverd what was left from your lack of control earlier.

 

"Please go wash your hands, while I fetch a clean nightdress for you," Sebastian said, once he was done, to your relief finally taking off the disposeable gloves. You rose up wordlessly and mechanically walked into the dreaded bathroom.

It took some time until the last bit of disgustingness from under your fingernails dissappeared into the drain of the washbasin. Preocupied, you noticed the stains of blood still on the white porcelain. Expierenced you began to wipe it away, when Sebastian suddenly appeared by your side.

"Young Lady, do not bother yourself, I will-"

"No..." you interrupted him quietly, "it is my blood...so I...will clean it off."

The demon responded with a strange smile to that and waited for you to finish your self-imposed task, handed you the fresh nightgown once everything was clean, then turned around so you could change in privacy.

 

As soon as you were dressed he faced you again, took the bloody garment from your hands and made a gesture past him to your bedroom. "After you, young Lady."

 

When you sat down on the bed, Sebastian, all of a sudden, kneeled down before you.

Surprised you watched, as he tucked the stained nightgown under his arm and took your hands in his right one, whereupon you witnessed his eyes turning into chatoyant foxglove blossoms for the second time this night. Thereat, with a charming smile, he softly moved his left hand, on which the contract seal glowed in the same colours as his irises, across both of yours, causing the skin behind your left ear, and your fingertips to tingle.

The moment your hands were revealed again, you saw your fingernails were now as black as his.

Bewildered you stared at them, then at him, questioning.

"Think of hurting yourself and attempt to do so," he told you, changing his eyes back to the colour of dried blood with a blink. Perplexed, you followed his intructions and reached for your collarbones. An inch above them your fingertips hit an invisible wall, you tried again, but were stopped by the same shield once more.

"I have put my intentions to protect you into your fingernails..." Sebastian explained, while tears of sheer joy began to spil from your eyes. Upon sighing he added, "You will have to wear gloves in public from now on though..."

"I do not care... I really do not care," you sobbed unbelievably happy. "Thank you... Thank you so much, Seba... I mean Dr. Michaelis."

The demon smiled with content. "You are most welcome, young Lady."

 

Once your tears were dried, he tucked you in, blew out the one candle that had lighted your room before and picked the candelholder up he had came with.

"Rest now, young Lady, I will take care of the bathroom door tomorrow, and the bedgown will be spotless the next time you will see it, futhermore, feel free to call me Sebastian again... I just needed to establish some authority earlier...for your own good."

"Thank you, Sebastian," you smiled beyond grateful.

"Hush...I will see you in the morning," he smiled back, leaving you to sleep.

 

 


	5. No Corners

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for KissMeFatality, the mysterious person who left me the first comment  
> and the inspiration to continue this story.
> 
> Special thanks go to my good friend, the girl with the fire heart.
> 
>  
> 
> If you like to know what I have been listening to while I wrote this:
> 
> Lung by Vancouver Sleep Clinic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyYUZMEE0x8 , quite a few pieces from Zoë Keating,  
> Perfect Darkness by Fink https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTqUaeDL0pk  
> and Looking Too Closely also by Fink https://www.youtube.co/watch?v=qoWRs7lXtYE.

 

 

The morning sun knocked soundlessly on your window the next day, but hid between clouds at the sight of the shadow behind it. Who, unnoticed by you, guarded you sleep.  
  
The room was still dark when you woke, and so were your fingernails on the white of your bedding. Last night's memories greeted your blooming mind, and you greeted them with a smile.  
Though the little movement brought a friend. Not only the demon had left traces on your body.

The wounds under your collarbones were angry and they hurt. However, this time you knew they would heal and their anger would fade.  
"...Sebastian," you mumbled drowzy, more as a 'thank you' than a name.  
"I am right here, young Lady."  
You winced. "Sebas-" And turned to meet the voice with your eyes.  
He stood by the window, arms crossed, a warm smile on his lips.  
"I am sorry, I did not mean to startle you."  
"Oh, it is alright," you assured him and sank back into the pillow. "...It is alright."  
"I am glad to hear that, young Lady." His smile was hearable.  
"Sebastian."  
"Yes?"  
"Would you mind opening the curtains?"  
"Of course not."  
Swiftly, he did as you asked.  
You watched him mesmerized. Whatever he did, it became art, one movement flowed into the other, effortless, like black ink.

As the sunlight flooded your bedroom, you became aware of this strange thing again.  
It was subtle, but after four years of being around him you knew you did not just imagine it.  
He did not reflect the light the way you did. It was as if he swallowed a part of it. A walking shadow.  
An intoxicatingly beautiful walking shadow, that made his way to you.

The demon sat down at your bedside.

"Did you sleep well?"  
You nodded. Since you knew he did not sleep, you had wondered how he spent the night.

Asking him about it seemed rude to you. It was not your business. _It was more than fair_ , you thought, _that he got these few hours of feedom_ , as he had been yours.  
"I am sorry, I took so much of your free time last night," you apologized sincerely, whereupon he chuckled.  
"My my, not concerned for me are we, young Lady?"  
Sebastian had always found your worries for him most amusing and had moreover told you many times there was no need for them, that your worries should revolve around yourself.

You still kept worrying about him.

"You know, I do not mean to insult you...do you not?" you questioned, as it crossed your mind that he might took your concern like that, powerful, capable as he was.  
The demon smiled moonlight. "I know..."

Following a breath in he asked, "Do you know why I am here?"  
You did not like this question, doctors had played this game with you all too often. Whatever you answered it had been wrong. You could guess, but how would you ever know.  
So you shook your head, denying the uneasy feeling that began to crawl up your back.  
"I am here to see after your wounds."  
Nausea hit you in the stomach.  
"And of course to still any doubts about the reality of last nights events," he added softly, albeit with a pressing tone.

Sebastian was endeavoured to keep you in the here and now. You still drifted off into the past sometimes.  
"Will you please show me the injuries?"  
  
He usually did not show up in your room until you were awake. It was a form of respect to keep out while you were so vulnerable...even more vulnerable.

In the beginning though, he had been the clock you lived by. He had woken you up and brought you to bed, stayed by your side through days of no sleep and countless nightmares. Your sleep cycle had gotten lost between sedatives, hours upon hours with loudly laughing bright light or throat cutting dark, fear, pain and the lost screams of others.  
It had taken the demon a lot of patience and persuasive power to move you to actually sleep in your bed, to lie down to sleep.  
You preferred a corner. A corner in which you could cower, back against the meeting walls,

legs against your chest. So you could hold shame and fear inside.

 

"Young Lady, there are no corners in which you could hide from me," Sebastian reprimanded, pulling your consciousness from the corner it had flewn into. As your eyes met, his were gleaming and the murdered illusion's blood still on his lips.  
"...Yes..." you agreed, it was a simple as that.  
"Please, let me see the wounds," he repeated, blinking the gleam away, no questionmark this time.  
  
You raised, he did not deserve to have to repeat himself thrice.  
Numb you unbuttoned your nightgown.  
The buttons had mouths.  
One, _ungrateful._  
Two, _cowardly._  
Three, _unworthy._  
Four, Sebastian took your hands away and put a fingertip on the last button.  
"Shhh," he said, making you flinch, then laugh.  
"Sebastian...you can read my thoughts, can you not?"  
"Sometimes, if I am so close to you, young Lady, and your thoughts are so vivid," he explained, while opening the last button.  
"Is it alright with you if I continue?" Sebastian querried thereat.  
"...No." You shook your head. "No, I am sorry."  
"No need to be," he assured you, withdrawing, giving you space.

You moved your arms out of the nightgown. Whereat they began to shake, the one thing that had never stopped.

 

 

 


	6. Partly, Halfway, Momentarily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for all those, whose thoughts wander the firmament, adorning the morning with their blood.  
> Your pain is heard. Your wounds will heal. Keep walking.
> 
>    
> If you like to know what I have been listening to while I wrote this:
> 
> Honey Whiskey by Nothing But Thieves https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoK5BjlmGBY .

 

 

Doctors had undressed you for the sheer fun of it. 'An animal like you needs no clothes,' one carer had barked at you once.  
Thereon you unwrapped the bandage, methodically and quickly.  
And there they were, the wounds.  
Guilt tightened you throat.  


The demon sighed. "Young Lady, please take a moment to look a your hands."  
You did. Black fingernails burried into the bandage clew.  
"You do not have to fear to harm yourself again," Sebastian reminded.  
You nodded and allowed him to take the bundle from your hands.  
"Can you imagine," he began, carefully brushing your hair behind your shoulders, "why I let this go on for so long? ...Be honest, as I am with you."  
"...Because you took my wish to feel everything very seriously?"  
"Partly," he affirmed. "Futhermore I wanted to see if you could get a hold on it yourself."  
"The way you just put it... Instead of saying, `I hoped you could do it´, or `I wanted to give you the chance to get it under control on your own´... You `wanted to see´... So what I asked you last night, if you enjoyed....torturing me..."  
He suddenly seemed pensive. "Your guess was right."  
"...Why do you...enjoy it?"  
The demon was silent for nineteen of your heartbeats. His brushstroke brows furrowed. It was the first time you had seen that.  
"...I do not know," he acknowleged finally.  


After another nineteen heartbeats he added, "I guess it is demon nature, being pulled towards open wounds."  
"...You fix them halfway, only to rip them open anew," you muttered under your breath, as the threads of his words met with those around your hands.  
He made a sound neither yes or no, then declared, "Demons play a different game with each of their preys."  
You sighed relieved and catched a wondering gaze.  
"I am glad..." you explained yourself. "If I am a game to you, at least I do not have to feel too guilty for taking your time."  
Now it was he who laughed. "You really mean that..."  
"Yes."  
"Those feelings you hold for me, will they change when I slip these on...?" he inquired, reaching for the box of disposable gloves on the night stand  
You shuddered, however, shook your head. "They do not...change. I am still thankful for what you do for me, and I know you are not them, but..."  
"My hands look the same as theirs, when they are in those gloves. When they touch your skin, it feels the same."  
You nodded.  
He nodded.  
Whereupon he put a dissposable glove on his right hand, albeit not on his left, leaving the contract seal exposed.

It was this hand which thereat came to rest between your shoulderblades, the other began to lightly examine the barely healed skin under your collarbones.

"How is that," he asked, voice low, and gentle as a feather, a little curious.

Your senses hurried back and forth from the two sensations.  
While one was revolting the other reassured you, you had nothing to fear in this moment.

Warmth radiated from his hand at your back, a fire from the darkest of places, but that was of no matter momentarily.  
"I...can bear it like this," you affirmed.  
The corners of the demon's mouth tilted upwards. "...happy to hear that... I have brought an ointment, to help with the healing, which I would like to apply. Do you think, you could handle that, young Lady."  
You weren not sure, last night his petrifying authority had kept you still. Hesistantly, you told him that and he nodded, considering for a few moments what to do.

Then he rephrased his sentence. "Young Lady, not as the doctor I pretend to be, but as someone who cares about you, I am going to apply an ointment to the wounds now. You may tell me when you need a break to collect yourself, or if the pain is too much."

You took a breath.

"Am I understood?" he questioned, foxglove in his eyes.

You choked on your answer, ere it passed your lips. "Yes."

"Very good... Try to concentrate on our bond through the contract seal," he suggested, while fetching a small round tin, that had sat on the nightstand as well.

Sebastian opened it without moving his left hand from your back and subsequently took some of its pale green content on the tip of his index finger. He looked at you again, while the scent of herbs began to tickle your nose.

"It smells nice..." you uttered, distracted for a bit.

"I made sure, to take something that would not wake thoughts of the asylum."

"...That is really thoughtful of you,"

He smiled bewitchingly, the purple fire still in his eyes. "I will begin now."

 

You jolted at the first touch, but could not escape do to his hand at your back.

"I am sorry it hurts, young Lady," the demon affirmed.

Whereat you shook your head. "Sebastian, you do not need to apologize for my sake, if you do not mean it, or want to."

Once more he looked at you curiously, before he nodded and continued with applying the ointment.

You could see how his eyes fed off your pain, though you couldn't blame him, when he had just told you it was his nature. He could not control it, as you could not command the pain to stop or...as you had been unable to keep your hands from tearing apart your skin. However in case of the latter, there was a chance... a chance he could change. You knew the idea was laughable, stupid really,

but you could not give up hope, not a second time.

 

 


End file.
